While it may sound like the beginning of a joke, this part is true. I have two friends, an Atheist and a Calvinist. Both are very intelligent and critical thinkers. My Calvinist friend calls me an Armenian. But, I'm just this guy, you know?
There have been several religious discussions where I act as the arbitrator. The Calvinistic point of view, however, baffles and frustrates me to the point of anger. I have called it arrogance and dogma. In retrospect, it is neither. Rather, it is a tightly woven logic bubble that is essentially useless for conversation and debate. However, it allows them to delude themselves into believing they have it all figured out. Their argument defies both comprehensibility and defeat. I present a distilled version here.
ASSERT: The Bible is the inerrant and perfect Word of God.
Atheist: How do you know?
Calvinist: The Bible says so.
A: How do you know it isn't lying?
C: See assertion.
A: On what do you base your assertion?
C: My assertion needs no basis.
A: Why not?
C: COROLLARY: The Bible is self-validating.
A: How do you know?
C: See assertion.
A: It says in the Bible that <insert contradiction>.
This appears to invalidate your assertion. Can you explain that?
C: You are not allowed to quote scripture.
A: Why not?
C: Because you don't believe the assertion.
A: I'm trying to challenge the assertion.
C: It cannot be challenged.
A: Why not?
C: See corollary.
A: Your assertion has the following logical inconsistency:
<insert logical conundrum>
C: You are not allowed to use logic.
A: Oh? Why not?
C: All logic is created by the God of the Christian Bible.
A: Okay, but why does that matter?
C: You don't believe in the God of the Christian Bible.
How can you use something established by someone you say doesn't exist?
A: Nevertheless, we both agree that logic exists.
C: How do you know?
A: Because I use it.
C: But your logic is irrational.
A: Oh? Why?
C: Because all logic that is not based on the God of the Christian Bible is irrational.
A: How do you arrive at that?
C: See corollary.
A: Can you see that this isn't really proof of anything?
C: I don't need to prove anything.
A: But, how do you intend to show me that what you believe is the right way?
C: I don't need to do that?
A: Why not?
C: God does all that.
A: Oh. I don't get that.
C: Because you are a heathen.
Your inquiries are rooted in an evil desire to be your own god.
A: Can you show me the way?
C: I have.
A: But the way you showed me doesn't make sense.
C: Yes it does.
A: How so?
C: See corollary.
A: Okay, this is my last effort to show you why I don't understand you.
I could insert ANYTHING into that logical argument instead of
“God of the Christian Bible” and comes out the same.
C: No you can't.
A: Sure, let's try this piece of paper.
It says it is self-validating and that it is the word of god.
C: It lies.
A: How do you know?
C: Because the Bible says the Bible is self-validating and it is the Word of God.
A: Why is my paper lying but your Bible is true?
C: See assertion.
*Atheist shoots Calvanist*
See what atheism leads to!? You have no morals!